Saturday, January 11, 2014

Gossip, Gossip, Gossip ... (repost)

This is a repost from a few years ago.  It was deleted.

Well, I got two earfuls of gossip a few weeks ago.  It seems that my sexuality has been the topic of some people's conversations.  Hmmm ....

I guess I was surprised.  Not really because I am not gay.  Not really because I don't act gay.  Because I never really thought that people would sit around and talk about me.  But, I guess some people do.

Evidently, one of my best friends from High School not only thinks that I am gay, he has been telling his whole family that I am. Now, we kept in touch for a few years after HS.  In fact, he was probably the only one that I stayed in touch with after HS.  I went straight to college, then on my mission, then my family moved to Utah.  I really didn't see anyone from High School until the past few years.  But, his family is still in my hometown and in my home ward.  And, know a lot of my family.  So, the fact that he is sharing his thoughts as if they were truth kind of bothered me.  At first.

I spent the weekend with 2 of my cousins a few weeks back.  Our families spent a lot of time together growing up.  They were my closest cousins in age and in location.  We spent a lot of time at their house.  Now, I have close to 50 cousins on this side of the family and I know all of them.  I kept in touch with these guys through college.  In fact I twice roomed with 1 and roomed with 3 of them when we owned a condo together.  And, 1 of them was one of the first people that I told that I was gay.  It was when I first was coming to terms with myself.  It was when I was in one of my darkest places.  I asked that they not tell anyone.  I expected they would share it with their spouse when they got married.  But, I found out that they shared it with some of their family, too.  I guess the lack of trust most surprised me.

Now, truth is ... I am gay.  Truth is ... that I can't change that.  Believe me, I have tried.  So, it isn't the fact that people know that bothers me so much.  I think it is the lack of respect and trust.  The fact that it has to be a "rumor" that is shared with people.  The fact that I thought I trusted someone for all this time.

Maybe it is a good thing that more people know.  And, tomorrow I will feel much better.  But, today, I am feeling a bit sad and betrayed.

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