This is a repost from a few years ago. It was deleted.
Well, I got two earfuls of gossip a few weeks ago. It seems that my sexuality has been the topic of some people's conversations. Hmmm ....
I guess I was surprised. Not really because I am not gay. Not really because I don't act gay. Because I never really thought that people would sit around and talk about me. But, I guess some people do.
Evidently, one of my best friends from High School not only thinks that I am gay, he has been telling his whole family that I am. Now, we kept in touch for a few years after HS. In fact, he was probably the only one that I stayed in touch with after HS. I went straight to college, then on my mission, then my family moved to Utah. I really didn't see anyone from High School until the past few years. But, his family is still in my hometown and in my home ward. And, know a lot of my family. So, the fact that he is sharing his thoughts as if they were truth kind of bothered me. At first.
I spent the weekend with 2 of my cousins a few weeks back. Our families spent a lot of time together growing up. They were my closest cousins in age and in location. We spent a lot of time at their house. Now, I have close to 50 cousins on this side of the family and I know all of them. I kept in touch with these guys through college. In fact I twice roomed with 1 and roomed with 3 of them when we owned a condo together. And, 1 of them was one of the first people that I told that I was gay. It was when I first was coming to terms with myself. It was when I was in one of my darkest places. I asked that they not tell anyone. I expected they would share it with their spouse when they got married. But, I found out that they shared it with some of their family, too. I guess the lack of trust most surprised me.
Now, truth is ... I am gay. Truth is ... that I can't change that. Believe me, I have tried. So, it isn't the fact that people know that bothers me so much. I think it is the lack of respect and trust. The fact that it has to be a "rumor" that is shared with people. The fact that I thought I trusted someone for all this time.
Maybe it is a good thing that more people know. And, tomorrow I will feel much better. But, today, I am feeling a bit sad and betrayed.